I find myself at a loose end ever so often. It's 4.30 in the morning already and I had absolutely no freaking idea till the little digital display at the bottom right hand side of the screen caught my eye and had me feeling incredulous for a bit. Where did all the time go? What did I do? It was a respectable 12 midnight just a little while ago. Dunno what's not respectful about 4.30, though, but that's besides the point. Very soon it'll be light outside. For whatever reason, I have this innate fear of watching darkness turn to light. Like, night into day (this obviously does not apply if I'm on Tiger Hill. Or anyplace where there is a brilliant sunrise.). I feel like I've lost out on something that I will not get back, ever, and no, it's not just the sleep. I can sleep tomorrow.


And now it's suddenly struck me that I ought to, perhaps, shut everything down and go to sleep. Except that sleep does not come if sleep does not will it. I'd put a smiley here but I cannot think of one that shows how I'm feeling right now. Incidentally, if only two out of all the emoticons called smileys actually smile/ laugh, why the fuck are the rest of them called smileys? So weird. Bunch of lazy fuckers, human beings. I'd know.


I really wonder what's going through that mind. I really do.